Saturday, March 3, 2012

Fan Fiction Update: 'Shadow of the Dragon Lords'

I stoled it.
I am actually going to shut up about ponies at some point in the future, really, but not before I tout my fan fiction work, "Shadow of the Dragon Lords," which is now on chapter 6, but don't let that intimidate you:  the chapters are short.

While watching My Little Pony:  Friendship Is Magic, and yes, "Is" is capitalized in a title, it occurred to me to wonder why exactly Spike the dragon is hanging out with all these ponies.  It also occurred to me to wonder why Spike has a crush on Rarity the Unicorn, or why, for that matter, we see him in the series premier bringing a teddy bear to a Unicorn mare named Moondancer, or why Twilight Sparkle calls him "Casanova," suggesting he has a reputation.

I came to the obvious conclusion almost immediately:  clearly, Spike is a political hostage being held in Canterlot to prevent a draconic uprising, and he developed his unnatural attraction to ponies while serving as a harem guard in the palace seraglio, a role for which his masters mistakenly thought him well-suited, due to the species difference.  See The Hostage by Zayd Muti Dammaj for further sordid details, or else see "Shadow of the Dragon Lords" for decidedly less sordid details.

Spike performs his harem duties.

Actually, Spike is not the main character of the piece.  The main character is Princess Luna, awesomest of the ponies, who commands the moon, rides the storm, flies in a black chariot, wears a cloak of living bats, and speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.  I think her dialogue is supposed to be all Elizabethan, but it actually came out kind of Kimberlian, or even Meredithian.  For the hay of it, in my story, I made her a practitioner of Lovecraftian black magic.  Also, doing a Google image search for Princess Luna is a creepy experience.

Unfortunately, the episode in which Her Highness appears is largely about Twilight Sparkle trying to convince Her Highness to act more like an ill-mannered modern American and less like a princess, but so it goes.  Personally, I really wanted to see Her Highness give Twilight a royal beat-down.

A quick explanation of Luna's awesomeness.

And remember that scene at the end in which little Pipsqueak grabs Her Highness's mane?  Yeah, I wanted to see her give him a beat-down, too:  "Unhoof me, dastard!  Darest thou to lay hooves on majesty?  Crouch in the dust and lick, thou cur!  Thou dog!"

Although it may appear to be a waste of time, "Shadow of the Dragon Lords" is actually a public service:  I am doing my part to reduce brony illiteracy by correctly naming the piece of furniture on which Rarity sometimes throws herself in mock displays of excessive emotion.

I stoled that one, too.
Never refer to a Unicorn's chaise longue as a "fainting couch."  A Unicorn can mess you up.

Courtesy of Orthometer.

Okay, so . . . I lost my train of thought in there someplace.  My point is that you should go read "Shadow of the Dragon Lords," or Rarity will run you over with a tank.  Something like that.
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