In (dis)honor of the new Conan the Barbarian movie, which, according to all sources, suxx really hard, I would like to recall to your mind what I think of as the real, the original, the only "Conan the Librarian." You probably think this gag originates with Weird Al Yankovic's UHF. Oh, no. According to undoubtedly accurate online sources, it originates with You Can't Do That on Television, but I think of it as coming from ye olde classic of children's TV, Reading Rainbow, starring Geordi La Forge. Because of that show, I was scared to death to get a library card when I was a kid because I thought I would have to talk to Conan and pass the test to receive the sacred Card of Library . . . and when I did get a library card, I was, ironically, disappointed because I didn't get to talk to Conan.
Unfortunately, I cannot find the clip, so . . . *sigh* . . . I present the UHF version. Internet, you have failed me for the last time.