Friday, December 11, 2009

An Open Letter to My Professor

Dear Professor,

I was unable to turn in my homework today because of the immutable laws of physics, for which I should not be held responsible.

When I returned to my dorm room in the late afternoon, I immediately sat down at my desk to do the work you had assigned. However, when I sat down, I noticed that my desk was quite cluttered. Remembering the maxim that behind a clear desk is a clear mind, I set about organizing the desk in preparation for my homework.

I was unaware of just how disorganized my desk had become; I did not realize it had reached a dangerous level of entropy. Because decreasing entropy in any given system, such as by organizing the desk, must inevitably result in an overall increase in the entropy of the surroundings, the process of organizing the desk raised the level of entropy in my dorm room to the point that all complex interactions (such as doing homework) became impossible.

At a critical juncture, the level of entropy increased until my dorm room collapsed into that most entropic of objects, a black hole. Because the spontaneous formation of virtual photons near the event horizon will cause a black hole--especially a very small one--to evaporate, it was only a few microseconds before my entire dorm room, completely with my bed, my books, my desk, and my homework, dissipated in the form of unrecoverable energy.

In short, Professor, I was unable to complete the assignment and would like to ask you for an extension.

Sincerely,

The Deej
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