Friday, July 3, 2009

Asteroids Movie?

Whoa. My weird movie prophecy powers come through again. I actually thought of this myself, like, five years ago. I guess someone in Hollywood thinks the same way I do, which probably isn't good for either them or me.

Orthometer reports that a Universal Studios movie based on ye olde Asteroids video game is in the works, a news item he gets from Dark Horizons. The original news article comes from Hollywood Reporter. In case you don't know, Asteroids is that video game where you guide a triangle-shaped spaceship to shoot at a bunch of asteroids, all while trying to avoid getting hit by the flying rocks your laser blasts create. It has no story. In other words, it's not really, you know, movie material. However, you can play it online here.

Looking over the Wikipedia article on the game, I'm inclined to say the movie should rip off material from some of the Asteroid spin-offs. Check out these titles: Astrogeddon, Spheres of Chaos, Stardust, and Astro Fire. I would so go to a movie called Astrogeddon or Spheres of Chaos. I would even go to a movie called Stardust. Oh, wait...

Hollywood Reporter, in the same article, notes in passing that Universal is also attempting film adaptations of Battleship and Candy Land.


I guess the success of Transformers has wider repercussions than any of us would have supposed. They really are going to make a bunch of movies based around our old toys, something predicted in humor, now a hideous reality. I'm not sure what a Candy Land movie would look like, honestly. Maybe like a magical girl cartoon crossed with The Nutcracker, on crack. Personally, I vote for filming it as a horror movie; I don't know about anyone else, but I always thought that game was creepy.

Honestly, though, I would probably go see a live-action My Little Pony movie. I used to watch that cartoon as a kid, though I had to do it furtively and keep the volume on the TV really low, since my parents frowned on me watching cartoons for girls. (Now I watch all the girls' cartoons I want! Bwahaha!) I don't remember much about it--something about a girl with a magic rainbow and pastel-colored ponies with big hair--but I did think it was good. I stopped watching around the time I realized the ponies were never going to mount machine guns on their backs, or learn Kung fu.
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