Saturday, May 2, 2009

Oh, Ship!

As a fanboy, I ship, though usually I do it in private. But, like most shippers, I like to think I'm pretty good at it. (I totally called that Ron/Hermione thing in, like, book 2; I mean, it was freakin' obvious, people. Every time they were on the same page, the sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with the proverbial knife. Notice how I stuck the word proverbial in there so my cliche doesn't sound like a cliche.)

Previously on The Sci Fi Catholic, our Shipping Department attempted to pair up a number of characters from Phil and Kaja Foglio's Girl Genius webcomic. Since the comic has recently made fun of its own shippers, I decided it was time to give a complete list of my present ships for the work. Naturally, like any good shipper, I will launch personal attacks against anyone who claims the following matches are not made in heaven, and I might even compare you to Hitler if the spirit moves me. Here's a list, complete with my infallible arguments (minor spoilers follow):

  1. Agatha/Gilgamesh. Although it's possible the creators will "pull a Macross" and pair the protagonist with someone other than the guy she's been building a relationship with since somewhere around page 10, I don't picture it happening. If it does happen, I will of course curse the creators and claim they've ruined any chance I have of developing a real relationship, or of getting a life.

  2. Zola/Tarvek. No, really. Think about it: He was (maybe?) specially bred to marry a fake Heterodyne heir, and she's a fake Heterodyne heir with a thing for scheming sparks. Besides that, Tarvek likes to design pretty dresses and Zola likes to wear them.

  3. Zeetha/Higgs. Almost canon. Zeetha is the only person who's gotten any emotion out of the Unstoppable (and unflappable) Higgs, and she's now spoken of him with a heart symbol in her dialogue balloon. Besides that, they both have goofy headgear: She's got that emoting headband, and he wears a hat advertising one of Kaja Foglio's favorite manga series. They say the couple that wears silly hats together, stays together.

  4. Sleipnir/Theo. I feel bad for that minor spark with whom Sleipnir is supposed to have an arranged marriage, but now that she's rebelled against the Baron, that probably wouldn't work out anyway.

  5. Moloch/Violetta. I'll be happy if Moloch ends up with Wilhelm (she of the fetching overbite), but I'm enjoying his banter with Violetta the bumbling Smoke Knight and would like to see it continue. Besides, Wilhelm has kind of a butch name, and if I pair Moloch with Wilhelm, everyone who doesn't read Girl Genius will think I'm slashing.

There. Now I'm in the mood for a pointless debate rife with ad hominem attacks. PaperSmyth, I challenge you to ship-to-ship combat!
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