Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Shipping Girl Genius (and Other Trivial Matters)

"Although strong drink is a mocker, I find that I need to be mocked."
--Othar Tryggvassen

Scene from Christmas: The Fairy Woods just aren't as pretty this time of year.

Admittedly, not much of import has gotten done around here lately. I've been bummed out for a few reasons I haven't discussed with readers. Mainly, I'm sad because my latest business venture (or "get rich quick scheme," as Snuffles calls them) has gone under. After I discovered that baking-cookie-scented candles already existed, I gave up on the Tossed Cookies Plug-ins, which I realized would not find a new market niche. I then came up with a new idea and began the difficult task of training small dogs to give massages, realizing I could sell them to pet lovers with back problems. Unfortunately, when the economy tanked, my start-up company, Shiatsu By Schitzu, went with it. Now I'm stuck with a bunch of miniature yappy masseuses, which I was unable to give away for Christmas.

The good news is, my back is feeling much better these days. A little higher, Fido.

Anyway, since this is a fannish website, we're talking about the possibility of adding a Shipping Department, which Lucky would run, supposedly, though she's also supposed to have a regular news column, and you see how that's turned out. Frankly, I didn't even know until recently that shippers actually, you know, did anything. I thought they just sighed a lot over their favorite fictional relationships, maybe wrote fan fic, and sometimes got ticked off at J. K. Rowling. But apparently some write "manifestos" in the form of essays explaining at length why two characters should get together. Who knew?

Personally, I can't think of any ongoing stories with characters I want to ship--except maybe Girl Genius (some spoilers ahead).

And I figure I better do it fast. For the last several weeks, the Foglios have been on "vacation," putting aside their main storyline and doing a comical version of "Cinderella" using the Girl Genius characters. This would be mere fluff if it weren't for the fact that this is the first time two sides of the comic's love triangle have actually met each other. At the heart of the comic we have Agatha Heterodyne, beautiful adventurer and mad scientist with a knack for building dangerous devices and getting into trouble. On the one hand, madly in love with her after getting to know her for all of about two days, is Gigamesh Wulfenbach, heir to the despotic Wulfenbach empire. On the other hand, liking her a lot after spending an evening alternating between trying to save her life, kill her, and turn her mind over to an evil demigoddess, is Prince Tarvek, descendant of the fabled Storm King.

As of yet, Gilgamesh and Tarvek have not officially met, but in this "Cinderella" short, they play the role of the "twin princes" and ham it up competing for Agatha's affections, and I've little doubt something similar will happen in the canonical storyline in the near future. And since the story has been building up to their meeting for the last, oh, half volume or so, and since the main storyline is set to resume tomorrow with the first page of volume 9, we'll undoubtedly find out very soon.

But forget them. We all know how that's going to turn out anyway. The bigger question is what's going to happen to the likable minor character with the best name in the series--Moloch von Zinzer. He first met Agatha while his brother was smacking her around, and then he pretended to be her beau for a while, and then he disappeared for a few hundred pages before showing up again as the Fritz to Agatha's Frankenstein.

But what's really important is that Moloch has an unrequited crush on the unfortunately named Wilhelm, a convicted felon with pink hair and a fetching overbite. Like most infatuated comic book men, when Wilhelm is around, Moloch acts like an idiot.

Shipping Moloch and Wilhelm--er, Moloch/Wilhelm, I should say--would be easy enough, but I notice that, recently, Moloch has gotten awfully chummy with Violetta the Smoke Knight--notice them acting all chummy in the background here. Moloch/Wilhelm...or Moloch/Violetta? I...I just can't decide.

Help, Lucky! I'm no good at this!
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