Saturday, April 26, 2008

News from the FIsh Bowl: Daily Utah Chronicle Prints Satire

Recently delivered: Someone calling himself Orion Archibald, writing for the University of Utah student paper, Daily Utah Chronicle, has produced a rather flat satirical description of Pope Benedict's visit to the U.S.:

Move over Gandalf: There's a new wizard in town!

Ending a week-long tour of the eastern United States, the Grand Magical Wizard King -- known to mystics by his native wizard title "Pope Benedict" -- held what many in attendance could describe as "a magical event" inside Yankee Stadium.

The ceremony, hailed by the Wizard King's followers as a "mass," sought to bestow the powers of the Magical Wizard King and his apprentices onto the lay followers gathered within the stadium, bringing to a close several days' worth of magical powers and spells cast by the Wizard King in both Washington, D.C., and New York City. [more...]

The really juicy part is near the end of the article:

In a statement delivered by the Wizard King's press corps, he thanked the people of the Americas and promised to "continue to train others in the magical powers bestowed by our Omnipotent Grand Master Wizard King of the Universe." The worldwide wizard training is to include lessons given at various Wizard Training Castles, or "cathedrals," throughout the known world, in topics ranging from magical chants to staff fighting to wizard gamesmanship to converting alms and donated moneys into magic powers, culminating in the ability to transfer massive amounts of guilt and mental suffering onto the various people of the land. [more...]

I asked Deej for comments and he said the following:

"Looks like the sort of thing I'd post late at night and then take down the next day after getting complaints. My first problem with it is that it isn't funny. I guess it's supposed to be offensive, but I personally rather like the idea of re-imagining the Catholic Church as an order of powerful wizards. If we're going to do that, though, we have to come up with some cooler names. I mean, Wizard King? Please! And what is this about transferring guilt and mental suffering onto people, anyway? I've experienced significantly less guilt and mental suffering since becoming Catholic, so this doesn't compute. And where can I sign up for that staff fighting? How come nobody told me we have staff fighting?"
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