Tuesday, January 8, 2008

I Have Been Through the Desert on a Meme with No Name

Father Erik Richtsteig of Orthometer, who probably just wants to pay me back for attending his Mass last weekend, has memed everyone who loves Jesus, so I guess I have to respond to it. Some priests really know how to guilt you into something, you know?

So here it is, the "No Name Meme."

1. Do you wear a name tag at work? Everyone already knows my name at work. I don't understand the question, even.

2. What kind of car do you drive? A 2000 Ford Ranger, cherry red.

3. What do you order when you go to Taco Bell? Usually a burrito of some sort, and I usually douse it in about twenty packets of fire sauce.

4. Have you ever had a garage sale? Personally, no, but I once ran a lemonade and crack-your-own-walnuts stand at one run by my parents.

5. What color is your iPod? I have no iPod. I believe iPods emit a 60-cycle hum designed by aliens to lower the human IQ, as depicted in the LucasArts video game classic, Zak McKraken and the Alien Mindbenders.

6. What kind of dog do you have? I used to have a beagle named Bullet (after Roy Rogers's dog), but he has since passed away.

7. What's for dinner tonight? You caught me on a bad day. I'm eating whatever I can scrounge and whatever I would have eaten in the field this week if we hadn't been snowed out.

8. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had? Hot sake, drunk at an excellent sushi restaurant. Unfortunately, a little alcohol turns me into a world-class (to my mind) lecturer on the subject of science fiction, much to the amusement of my companions, who had to listen to me for two hours straight. Incidentally, caffeine turns me into a lecturer on religion, so if I drink Irish coffee, I'll be in good shape for writing this blog.

9. Stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone? I have no cell phone. See question 5 above.

10. Last time you were sick? Shortly before Christmas, minor cold.

11. How long is your hair? See photograph to right.

12. Are you happy right now? No, but I'll be quite happy when I finish this. What is this, a college entrance exam?

13. What did you say last? It might have been, "Good night" (to a coworker), but I tend to talk to myself, so I'm not sure.

14. Who came over last? Probably my last girlfriend. Jeez, that was a while back....

15. Do you drink beer? Yes. But I prefer port wine when I can get it.

16. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? Not that I remember.

17. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? It used to be my mini Swiss Army knife, but that's quite battered now. Then I was really into the mini-Maglite. Right now, I'm having a brief but nonetheless tumultuous love affair with the miniature hardhat with an LED on the front.

18. What did you get for graduation? Um...graduation...see question number 2 above.

19. Whats in your pocket? Right now, I'm in my gym shorts, but normally, keys, Chapstick, breath freshener, wallet, notebook, sunglasses, reading glasses, and a prayer book wth assorted holy cards (I have a lot of pockets). I used to have a Zippo lighter in there in case I needed to burn something or illuminate an insect-infested stone hallway or ignite a Nazi castle, but they keep disappearing so I'm not going to buy any more.

20. Who introduced you to Dane Cook? Who the heck is Dane Cook?

21. Has someone ever made you a Build-A-Bear? What the heck is a Build-A-Bear?

22. What DVD is in your DVD player? Right now, my DVD/CD player is preoccupied with Led Zeppelin's Mothership. The last DVD in there was Battle Beyond the Stars.

23. What's something fun you did today? Not today, sorry.

24. Who is/was the principal of your high school? Don't remember his name, honestly. It might have been Peacock.

25. Has your house ever been TP'd? No.

26.What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? Creepy anime characters.

27. What are you listening to right now? How did you know? See question 22 above.

28. Drinking? Nothing.

29. What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart? Food.

30. When is your mom's birthday? Not your business.

31. When is your birthday? Ditto.

32. What's the area code for your cell phone? See question number 9 above.

33. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? It was a gift.

34. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? A car rosary.

35. How many states in the US have you been to? Don't know. Most, probably.

36. What kind of milk do you drink? Skim, usually. Whole when feeling naughty. Soy when in the field.

37. What are you going to do after this? Work on the script for a comic.

38. Who was the last person you went shopping with? Snuffles the Dragon.

39. What is your favorite fruit? Mango.

40. What about your favorite dessert? Uncertain. I'm more of an entree kind of guy.

41. What is something you need to go shopping for? Food.

42. Do you have the same name as one of your relatives? No, except for my middle name, which you will forever know only as "G." (As for the second D, I leave you to ponder the significance of that one.)

43. What kind of car does one of your siblings drive? I believe he drives...a Ford Ranger, come to think of it.

44. Do you like pickles? Yes.

45. How about olives? Yes, but Snuffles embarrasses me by seeing how many he can fit on his claws at family gatherings.

46. What is your favorite kind of gum? Oh, I guess maybe one of those hygienic teeth-whitening gums or something, but I hate gum, especially when it appears in the dryer or under banisters.

47. What is your favorite kind of juice? See question 39 above.

48. Do you have any tan lines? I think running cross-country in high school made certain tan lines permanent. See my photo again: I go from deep brown in summer to pasty white in winter, and what you have there is the transitional phase.

49. What hospital were you born in? As I've said before, I was left in a basket in the Fairy Forest. I doubt I was born in a hospital.

Sheesh. Forty-nine of those? What evil person did that? I'm not sure I should inflict that on anybody who doesn't want it.
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