Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Dragon's Mailbag

Here we go again. It's Snuffles, and it's time to open the mail. The spam has gotten out of hand, so let me repeat, in case you missed it the first time: No, I will not hold a little extra cash the Bank of Nigeria has lying around. I mean, really, I may look like a stuffed toy to you, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid.

Okay, so I open up the mailbag and guess what? Real mail. Really. This might even be a first. So here we go:

Catholig draconi optumo Snuffles salutem plurimam dicit.

Volui scribere epistulam tibi, quia vere tu es solus animalis inanimatus in figura draconis repletus tomento qui scripsit commentaria et recessiones apud blogspot. Etiam manifestus est ut scribas commentaria tua festivitate. Spero quod potes latine legere.


Oh, wait. Maybe that is spam.

Oh, I get it! It's Latin. Yeah, Latin. Let me guess...homeschooled?

Look, I know what Ciruelo told you in his little "encyclopedia," but dragons do not have an innate knowledge of Latin. We usually grow up speaking Draconic and then pick up other languages the same way you do. When I incarnated into your universe, I incarnated as an infant dragon and learned to speak in the regular way.

So, let's see here. I'll just grab my English-Latin dictionary...oh, darn. I misplaced it. Okay, let's see what I can figure out on my own.

...tu es solus animalis inanimatus in figura draconis...

That probably says, "You are only an inanimate...." What the--?!?! Hey, look, buddy, first you send me a letter in a dead language and then you turn around and insult me. Do I write you letters calling you an inanimate object? I don't think so. How about you and I meet in person--all 97 pounds of you and all six tons of me--and let's hear you call me inanimate to my face.

Hmm. Frederick the Annoying Unicorn is currently at my shoulder, saying something about being able to see why I don't get much mail. I don't know what he's talking about.
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