Thursday, December 21, 2006

I seem to have a superpower....

I discovered my incredible power about a year or so ago. I found that, if I thought for a while that something cool should be made into a movie, within a few years, the movie would get made. About five years back, it occurred to me that somebody ought to remake King Kong but keep it set in the 1930s. And then came Peter Jackson's remake that did just that. Some time ago I realized it was high time for a live-action Transformers movie, and guess what's coming out next summer?

I could only conclude that I have the power of making movies happen.

No, I didn't promise they'd be good movies, just movies.

Actually, of course, Jackson had it in mind to remake King Kong for years before I thought of it, and Transformers was probably inevitable. The generation (mine) that grew up on the cartoon is now a generation of young adults who go to summer adventure flicks. The Transformers movie is just a shameless way to cash in on that, and I have an awful feeling in my stomach that this film I'm so highly anticipating will be...well, awful. Maybe the feeling is just Eragon hangover. Hopefully, it will pass.

But on the off chance that I can make movies happen or that Hollywood has a psychic spy satellite tuned on me or that I just like popular '80s stuff that Hollywood types see as potential blockbusters, here's a list of what I would like to see in theaters in the near future. Feel free to add titles of your own.
  • Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future. Yes, I know you've never heard of it, but that one season before it got cancelled ruled, okay?
  • Duck Tales: The Movie. This bad boy is long overdue, but since Disney has apparently jettisoned its animation department in favor of that awful CGI I'm already bored with, I don't expect it to happen, or at least, I don't expect it to be any good.
  • Gobots. Okay, I'm kidding. That's just to tick off all the Transformers fans who might be reading this. I will say, though, that Gobots were much less breakable than Transformers. Their hands had less of a habit of getting lost, and they didn't usually have those antennae that snap off so easily. I think they were cheaper, too. They hold a special place in my heart because I owned both a Gobots Command Center and its evil counterpart, Thruster, which came with the extra gimmicks of a trap door that wouldn't stay closed and a motion alarm that went off whenever an insect anywhere in the house so much as twitched.
  • Battlestar Galactica. Yes, yes. I know there was an original movie before the TV show, and I know there's a remake TV series, but while the original BG was a rip-off of Star Wars, the new one is a rip-off of West Wing and ER. Ugh. "Presidential Breast Cancer in Space" is not my idea of entertainment. I'm talking about a movie unrelated to the new series that actually taps the potential of the show's premise--a flying refugee camp. I want to see stressed out people having riots, an ineffective kangaroo government, pilots hated because they failed to protect the homeworld and reviled because they're a bunch of womanizers (like in the original show), and I want to see smart Cylons. Make 'em look like the originals, but make 'em stealthy, and let's see them pick off ships from the fleet one at a time while the number of Vipers steadily diminishes. We're talking intense here, baby. Real edge-of-your-seat stuff.
  • Bone. I have to mention it. I think it's in my contract. I'd prefer a movie trilogy, but I don't know who's going to do it now that Disney and Warner Brothers are done with animation and Nickelodeon already dropped the project. I once fancied that a live action movie with CGI bones and rat creatures might be a good idea, but then I came to my senses.
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